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16 key learnings from the Harvard Negotiation Project's method for negotiating on the merits, separating people from problems and interests from positions. Each takes about 40 seconds to read. Swipe, use the arrows, or your keyboard.
All 16 learnings · one per slide
Roger Fisher, William Ury and Bruce Patton, in bytes
16 key learnings on principled negotiation: reaching wise agreements without giving in or fighting.
Learning 1 · Chapter 1
The idea
When each side digs into a position, ego gets tied to it, agreements get worse and relationships suffer.
From the book
The authors describe haggling where each side starts extreme and concedes slowly, wasting time and trust.
In real life
A salary talk stuck at 'I want ₹20 lakh' versus 'We pay ₹16 lakh' rarely finds the best package.
Try this
Before your next negotiation, write down the reasons behind your position, not just the number.
Learning 2 · Chapter 1
The idea
Soft negotiators give in to keep the peace; hard ones try to win at all costs. Both lose value.
The alternative
Principled negotiation: be soft on the people and hard on the problem.
In real life
A manager can be warm with a vendor while still insisting on clear delivery dates and penalties.
Try this
Name one way you'll be friendly and one standard you won't drop.
Learning 3 · Chapter 2
The idea
Negotiators are people with emotions, perceptions and egos. Deal with those directly, separately from the substance.
From the book
See the situation through the other side's eyes, and discuss each side's perceptions openly.
In real life
Before discussing a missed deadline, a manager first acknowledges the team's heavy workload, then turns to the plan.
Try this
Open with 'How do you see this situation?' before stating your view.
Learning 4 · Chapter 2
The idea
Allow the other side to let off steam, without reacting. Emotions acknowledged are less likely to derail talks.
From the book
Small gestures, like an apology or expressing sympathy, can defuse tension cheaply.
In real life
A customer furious about a billing error calms down once someone listens fully and says 'That shouldn't have happened.'
Try this
In a tense talk, listen without interrupting for two full minutes.
Learning 5 · Chapter 3
The idea
Behind every position are interests: needs, desires, concerns and fears.
From the book
Two people argue in a library over a window. One wants fresh air, the other no draught. The librarian opens a window in the next room.
In real life
A client demanding a lower price may actually need lower cash outflow this quarter, which staggered payments could solve.
Try this
Ask 'Why?' and 'Why not?' to uncover the interest behind a demand.
Learning 6 · Chapter 3
The idea
Behind opposed positions lie shared and compatible interests, as well as conflicting ones.
From the book
At Camp David, Israel wanted security and Egypt wanted sovereignty over the Sinai. A demilitarised Sinai under the Egyptian flag met both.
In real life
A landlord wants a reliable tenant; a tenant wants stability. A longer lease at a slightly lower rent can serve both.
Try this
List each side's interests in two columns and circle any that overlap.
Learning 7 · Chapter 4
The idea
People often settle too soon on one answer. Generate many options before deciding.
Obstacles
Premature judgement, searching for one right answer, assuming a fixed pie, and thinking solving their problem isn't your job.
In real life
Instead of arguing over one budget line, a team brainstorms five ways to fund a project, including phasing and sharing costs.
Try this
Hold a short brainstorm where no idea can be criticised until the list is done.
Learning 8 · Chapter 4
The idea
Differences in priorities, beliefs, timing or risk appetite can create value.
From the book
One side may value something cheap for the other to give, so trading such items helps both.
In real life
A buyer who values speed and a supplier who values a large order can agree on a bigger order with faster delivery.
Try this
Ask: 'What's low cost for me but high value for them?'
Learning 9 · Chapter 5
The idea
Base agreement on fair standards, like market value, precedent or expert opinion, not on willpower.
From the book
Two children sharing cake: one cuts, the other chooses. A fair procedure can replace argument.
In real life
When pricing a used car, referring to published market values avoids a battle of wills.
Try this
Before negotiating, find two independent benchmarks for the issue.
Learning 10 · Chapter 5
The idea
Frame each issue as a joint search for objective criteria, and never yield to pressure, only to principle.
From the book
The authors describe a man whose car was written off, who asked the insurance adjuster to explain how the offer was calculated, and secured a better settlement.
In real life
When quoted a fee, asking 'How did you arrive at this?' often reveals room to adjust.
Try this
Respond to a firm number with 'What's that based on?'
Learning 11 · Chapter 6
The idea
Your Best Alternative To a Negotiated Agreement is what you'll do if talks fail. It's the standard to judge any offer.
Why
Without it, you may accept a bad deal or reject a good one.
In real life
A job seeker with another offer in hand negotiates more calmly than one with no alternatives.
Try this
Before any negotiation, write down your BATNA and work to improve it.
Learning 12 · Chapter 6
The idea
Estimate the other side's alternatives. The weaker they are, the more room you have.
From the book
Understanding both BATNAs shows whether an agreement is possible at all.
In real life
A supplier with few other buyers has more to lose than you think; a supplier in high demand has less.
Try this
List what the other side will do if you walk away.
Learning 13 · Chapter 7
The idea
When the other side attacks or pushes positions, don't push back. Redirect the attack towards the problem.
From the book
Treat their position as one option, invite criticism of your ideas, and ask questions instead of making statements.
In real life
If a client says 'Your proposal is useless', asking 'Which part doesn't work for you?' turns attack into information.
Try this
Answer your next criticism with a question.
Learning 14 · Chapter 7
The idea
A mediator drafts a single text, asks both sides for criticism, and revises until no further improvement is possible.
From the book
The United States used this at Camp David, producing many drafts before Egypt and Israel agreed.
In real life
Teams agreeing a policy edit one shared draft instead of exchanging competing versions.
Try this
Next time two sides disagree, write one shared draft and invite edits.
Learning 15 · Chapter 8
The idea
When faced with tricks like deliberate deception, good cop/bad cop or extreme demands, recognise the tactic, raise it openly, and question its legitimacy.
From the book
Negotiate about the rules of the negotiation itself.
In real life
If a buyer says 'My boss won't approve this' every time, you can ask to include the boss directly.
Try this
Name a tactic politely: 'It sounds like we're playing good cop, bad cop. Can we focus on the issues?'
Learning 16 · Conclusion
The idea
The authors argue principled negotiation works even with tough opponents, because it relies on merit, not power.
Why
It protects relationships while getting fair outcomes.
In real life
Long-term partners, families and colleagues benefit most from agreements both sides see as fair.
Try this
After your next agreement, ask: would both of us say this was fair?
All 16 learnings complete
Every negotiation has interests hiding behind positions. What does the other side really need?
Summaries are written in my own words for learning. Read Getting to Yes by Roger Fisher, William Ury and Bruce Patton (1981) for the full stories. More Books in Bytes
